A little Kiss

Prologue 30 seconds... I could feel the second hand on my watch ticking ominously against my wrist with abnormal sensitivity. I took a step forward and Reign's arms tightened around my waist. Her strength restrained me completely. Mama sniffed and my eyes drifted from my beloved's lovely face to her tear streaked one. In that second I loved her for her love for me and greatly resented the second she's cost me. My eye's quickly found his again. Why?! I couldn't help but ask myself. Why were the most horrible things that could ever happen in my life happening? How could things that were worse than my nightmares be my reality? 19 seconds. He stared into my eyes, his full of fierce adoration,empathy,heartache. Even if it was a mistake to be with him I still wanted to. But that would mean shattering the already broken hearts of the loved ones around me. His expression didn't change. He looked... terrified, his face frozen in horror. “Be completely sure Kiss, This is your choice.” Zaisha's powerful voice was somehow both stern and empathetic. She stood beside him her power illuminating them in an eerie pinkish glow. A broken whimper passed my parted lips. His eyes broke away from mine to look at Reign. “Nuh-ooo.” Her pain filled sob buckled my shaking knees. She dragged me back again. The bright light intensified making me squint. “You need to let her go Reign she has to make the choice.” Daddy said in a low voice. Reign's only reaction was to drag me back again. The light got so bright we had to block our faces. I couldn't see him anymore but I heard him clearly when he whispered. “I love you Ki-.” 10 seconds...

Wandering thoughts in walmart...So I was wandering through the supermarket and this idea was in my head. I have no clue where it is going but I will share it with you

The dream is reoccurring. I am on the public transit bus on my way to school with my headphones on low. I am glad because it is Friday and I only have one class on Friday’s. I am subtly people watching and thoroughly amused by a few girls checking out a guy who is trying to pretend he doesn’t notice. The bus stops and the people disappear. This is when I know I am dreaming. “Cool a lucid dream!” I think to myself excitedly. They are always the coolest. The door opens and a guy walks onto the bus. My first thought is “Somebody needs to feed this dude.” His jeans are too long they’re frayed at the bottom from being walked on. His tan corduroy jacket hangs on him. His hair is that in- between color not quite brown not quite blond. He puts his tokens in the machine then turns toward me. I smile he is wearing a faded black shirt with Mickey Mouse on it. Our eyes meet… I can’t adequately explain the feeling that hit me in the chest taking my breath away. Dred and elation, fear and expectation, shock and curiosity I know that I am owned. I am his. My adrenaline spikes my body screaming at me fight or flight. It is pointless, the decision made without my permission. He is walking toward me holding my gaze a knowing little grin on his cute yet unremarkable face. My thoughts are as erratic as my emotions, zigzagging around like dandelion fluff on a windy day. “He’s a witch! Or is he a warlock cause guys can’t be witches? I should run! But I don’t want to, or at least I don’t think I want to. What does it matter it’s a dream anyway. He looks hungry maybe I should ask him to lunch.” He sits right beside me and our shoulders touch. The most disgustingly girly feeling makes my heart stutter. We are face to face. His eyes are the color of fresh green grapes. They are bright and glowing like he is super excited about something, or high maybe he’s high. He wets his bottom lip and my eyes are drawn there. He has the most delectable mouth I have ever seen. I look back at his eyes and then his mouth again and then his eyes. They war for my attention and my eyes are indecisive. I must look like a cartoon character. He chuckles a low masculine sound it reverberates through me. I wake up.

Hello? How are you? what you up to? (Floetry, Hello)

So I'm back... did you miss me? I have been soooo busy being a student and figuring out what I want to do with my life. Lucky for me it is winter break and I have a little bit of time to just be myself. I am working on a 2 new books that i am pretty excited about. I wonder if I will finish them? I am super excited that i passed the class with that I struggled the most with.. American Heritage was created to torture me! I passed with a C+ I have never been so happy to see a C in my life!!! W have 3 new babies in the family now. O'Shae, Mekhi ans Zurii!! I am so excited to be their aunt!!! So what is going on now... I am reading a lot and writing a little. I am studying L.D.S conference talks as well as prominent lds authors for a book i am working on. So friend say a prayer for me and I shall chat with you soon!

You are Beautiful No Matter what They Say (Christina Aguilera)

I was talking to my friend Jennifer about how life is a school and we learn all kinds of things both right and wrong. We learn from the church,friends,family,media. We learn and we grow and change. I was telling her how though I struggle with insecurities in my life (not feeling intelligent,being overweight ect) I don't struggle with self love very much. It is hard to have a testimony of who you are as a daughter of God and still somehow still be convinced of your own inferiority. We were talking about dating and how it depends a lot on how people see themselves and how they see you and how they want the world to view them. In other words The world teaches us that if we are not beautiful rich and intelligent we are not lovable or desirable.And that if we are than not only are we lovable but we are superior to those who are not. This is not what The Gospel teaches. 1 Jhon 4:19 Teaches the we love God because He first loved us. And yet if we see a handsome girl with a guy we don't find attractive we think. "What is she doing with him?" or "She can have any man she want's" (Well obviously she wants him huh?:)We do this because this is what we have been taught. Beauty equals lovable. Smarts equals superior. Wealth equals Worthy
Worthy of love worthy of acceptance.
Better, better than him. Too Good. It's sad but it's a reality it is what we have been taught in the school of life. Well this conversation with my Jen-Jen reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago Here it is

Beauty?
I didn't get the memo. I didn't buy the book.
Must have erased the message, Passed the poster without a look.
That must be why it shook me and took me by surprise.
That i wasn't beautiful because of the shape of my thighs.

I didn't hear the whispers.Was it on the morning news?
I must have overslept that day. Maybe I hit the snooze
That's why I didn't realize,that's why I didn't guess
That I wasn't beautiful because of the size of my dress
Guess I should skip lunch today. Should run instead of walk
Should hold my head down in shame, Shouldn't listen shouldn't talk

Maybe I should stay in today. Shouldn't expect respect from all
Should never have anyway. Shouldn't answer when friends call.

Or maybe I just ignored the memo. Spied the book but passed right bye.
Why didn't I get the message. I deleted it that's why!
Don't think it's a misconception cause it's just a flat out lie.
Who'd fall for this mess anyway!
I'm going to have some pie:)


I love that poem. Even though I still have many things to work on. I have the right and the responsibility to love myself in the mean time. I know that I am a daughter of God. And because of this I know that there is no man too beautiful rich or smart for me. because as I say in the Poem "Princess." The Creator of all there is. I am HIS little girl. And He will never say to me 'Daughter he is too good for you.'
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Take me away (Keyshia Cole)

So on the 10th of June I went on a road trip to Moab Utah with the wonderful Wiest. It was so much fun we saw a lot of beautiful landscape. Take a road trip anywhere and you will realize that God is an artist! It took me forever to decide what pictures to use because I have so may beautiful ones!! The first place we stopped was called goblin valley because of the natural structures there. They are called hoodoo rocks and were formed through erosion over many years. Then we made it to the condo and it was just beautiful. There was an indoor pool and you best believe I enjoyed it even though i forgot to bring my bathing suit! We also went to Arches National Park. So named because of the many natural arches (over 200) My favorite structure was the balancing rock!! It was so much fun and i am so thankful for the wonderful Wiest and the experiences i have had the chance to have here!!

I just wanna see my lovely sunshine (Sunshine Floetry)

I took the sky pic accidentally and i just thought the shoe shot was cute

Pose for the camera now flick,flick (Beyonce get me bodied)

Hello friends. How do you like my new blog? Cute Huh!?! I LOVES IT. Today My friend Sam and I went up to the canyon where talented Sam took pictures of me and my shoes. (hence the post title) Oh fun,fun. My heels kept sinking into the mud but hey we got some good shots. I did my makeup and took both my wigs and a different outfit just in case. We ended up sticking to the one outfit though. After that we went to Cafe Rio (yuuuummm) I have got to figure out a way to make that Pork Barbacoa burrito. Anyway after we ate Sam took the time to teach computer illiterate Syretta how to make my blog cool. (Better don't you think?) I took the beautiful picture of the sky by accident but i think it's beautiful. I love beautiful Utah it was so windy up in the canyon but the air was so fresh and the breeze so nice and cool I just wanted to go find a quite place to take a nap.